How to Create a Stylish Adult Baptism. Say What, Now?

stylish adult baptismOh for the LOVE of God…literally.  I cannot believe that there are now style tips out there on how to create a stylish adult baptism.  Leslie, from the show Big Rich Texas (a show I have never seen, or had any interest in watching) apparently feels that this is a VERY important topic to address, because…well, I don’t know.

I don’t know about stylish adult baptism because I was raised Catholic (though I now don’t consider myself much of anything these days besides spiritual), and have NO memory whatsoever of my baptism.  All I know is, being a baby of the 70’s, I wore a polyester, and most likely highly-flammable, frock that had yellowed like smoker’s teeth when my mom pulled it out years later to show me.  No…an heirloom piece it is not.

So, what the heck do I know about adults being baptized?   Yet, I still found this video with what seem to be incredibly important tips, according to this Leslie lady (who the heck is this woman?), about being baptized offensive and minimizing of an important ritual in the Christian faith.

Seriously, watch the video.

Here are some of the tips on creating a stylish adult baptism:

  • Wear white…because it is a sense of purity.  (It’s also usually see through after it gets wet…but, whatever.)
  • Have the baptism in a lovely pool…because it is more controlled (and more fabulous.)
  • It is very beautiful to wear your white dress for the actual baptism (and gives you a reason to buy a second dress for the after party.)
  • Godmothers should wear classy and tasteful outfits.  (Wow, thanks, Captain Obvious, for that tip!)  “This is not the time to be boobalicious.” (Wait, did she just say boobalicious when speaking about a baptism?)
  • Oh…and don’t forget about the stylish ending (because, you know, that’s important.  Should we be grateful she didn’t call it a Happy Ending?)

Wanting to get a theologian’s opinion on stylish adult baptism, just to make sure I wasn’t overreacting, I turned to my friend, Dr. Wendy Dackson, who is an Episcopalian with a doctorate in theology from Marquette University, for her opinion. “All I can say is that it can be summed up by the shortest verse in the Bible, John 11:35 (‘Jesus wept.’).” Dr. Dackson continued by saying,  “Any time when people are making public declarations that show an intent to change their life, espouse stylish adult baptismdifferent values, and become part of a new community, deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Adult baptism, in most Christian traditions, involves a period of discernment concerning whether this is a step one should take, and informed consent to the meaning and requirements of taking it. In the same way that we don’t trivialize the decision to enter the military, accept our election to public office, or take the oaths and pledges of various professions such as medicine or law, we should not trivialize the decision to commit to a spiritual tradition.”

Hmm…and I thought this adult baptism thing was all about the, not one but two, designer dresses, the poolside white-party rivaling P-Diddy’s and the multi-tiered cake.   What is the world coming to?  Is Dr. Dackson saying that this event should actually be spiritual and sacred and not frivolous and fabulous?

Wow…what a concept!

Well, thanks for the laugh, Big Rich Texas lady but, honestly, if you want all of us heathens to take your religion seriously, maybe you should too.  Just sayin’.