Did you think that ugly holiday sweaters were limited to Christians? Oh, no, no, no…on the contrary, actually. Yes, my Jewish friends can rejoice in knowing that there are ugly Hanukkah sweaters out there too.
In honor of being in the middle of the Hanukkah holiday, I thought I’d share my Eight Days of Ugly Hanukkah Sweaters. Yup, that’s right, you can wear an ugly Hanukkah sweater all eight nights of the holiday!
To all my Jewish readers and friends, I wish you a happy and wonderful Hanukkah!
#8- Starry, Starry Night
This Hanukkah sweater is innocuous enough that I could almost see a non-Jewish person coming home from a store and saying they found the most lovely cardigan with stars on it. However, while it may be innocuous, it certainly isn’t pretty.
#7- My First Hanukkah
To me, this Hanukkah sweater has WASP (White Anglo Saxon Protestant) written all over it. How do I know? Well, I’m half a WASP. And, can’t you see it? Imagine a blonde bob, headband and a sensible pair of slacks worn with this sweater…along with a delicious bunt cake. I guess this Ugly Hanukkah sweater could be for those non-Jewish folks celebrating their first Hanukkah with their Jewish friends.
#6- Space Invaders Hanukkah Sweater
Does this sweater remind anyone else of the old Atari game Space Invaders? Does the menorah shoot at the dreidels? If you hit the Star of David do you get extra points?
#5- Hipster Hanukkah
Will someone tell this guy that you can’t rock the hipster vibe while wearing a sweater that has a happy face menorah on it?
#4- Sayin’ It All in a Sweater
This sweater is one big mishegoss. First, we’ve got the big Star of David saying ‘Seasons Greetings.’ Next, in the middle of the star, is an Earth and peace to represent Peace on Earth, I guess, and then, on both sleeves we have snowmen. Lastly, lets not forget the Menorah at the bottom. I’d hate to see what is on the back of this sweater.
#3- Hanukkah Harry
Hanukkah Harry is a fictional character created by John Lovitz for an SNL skit in 1989. In the skit, Santa, unable to work, called on Hanukkah Harry to save Christmas. Since then, it seems, Hanukkah Harry has become the Jewish Santa equivalent. However, Jewish children don’t go to be waiting for Hanukkah Harry to arrive and bring gifts in the middle of the night like Christian children do. Apparently, only we Christians would be crazy enough to be comfortable with the idea a big old fat man entering our homes…and eating our cookies.
#2- Tartan Dreidel
Um…hmmm. This is just one of those sweaters that is so visually arresting that you’re not sure where to begin. Okay, we’ve got a plaid background with some dingleboppy trim down the front. And, if that’s not ugly enough, let’s hang bulky three-dimensional dreidels from it. Correct me if I’m wrong, but dreidels are supposed to be spun not hung, right?
#1- Captain Obvious
Well, it sure is a good thing that ‘Happy Hanukkah’ in sparkly, bold letters was splashed across the front of this sweater. I mean, after all, those plush hanging dreidels never would have tipped me off.